Most of us can remember the scene in When Harry Met Sally where Meg Ryan delivers her iconic orgasm performance as a stunned Harry (and everyone in the crowded diner) watches.
The faked female orgasm is a familiar enough plot line in movies, tv shows, and even conversations amongst girlfriends that it shouldn't come as a surprise that women orgasm at a much lower rate than their male counterparts.
Study after study has shown that in heterosexual intercourse, men report climaxing at rates close to 90% while female partners report climaxing somewhere in the range of 35%-65%. This is what sexual psychologist Laurie Mintz has coined the "orgasm gap" and it's a big symptom of a culture where men's pleasure is prioritized over female pleasure.
So... why isn't faking it funny? We personally believe that when we joke about faking orgasms for our male partner's pleasure, we normalize intimacy where a woman's pleasure isn't centered. We deserve better, ladies.
How do we close the orgasm gap for ourselves?
We want to acknowledge the solutions to closing the orgasm gap are just as complex as female sexuality, but there are a few things we can do to help close the gap for ourselves and it all starts with discovering what brings you pleasure and communicating it with your partner.
Self-exploration a.k.a. masturbation
The road to reclaiming your pleasure starts with knowing your body Intimately. Self exploration and experimentation on your own is a safe way for you to discover what types of touch or tools you enjoy.
Partnered exploration
Explore and play. Experiment together with positions, activities, or toys to uncover each other’s desires and bring you closer together.
Communication
Don’t be shy to share what feels good during Intimacy. Chances are your partner will appreciate it too. Communicating your desires to your partner can lead to a deeper emotional and physical connection and most importantly, better and more fulfilling sex.
Shift your mindset
Your mind is your biggest sexual organ. We want you to start thinking of pleasure as a mindset. What would your sex life and pleasure look like if you made your pleasure a priority for your own sake, and not for his? Get curious about the answer and give yourself permission to say yes and make time for pleasure just as you would anything else that brings you joy in life.
Read more about the research behind the orgasm gap:
Climax as Work: Heteronormativity, Gender Labor, and the Gender Gap in Orgasms
